mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
