Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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