That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
