So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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