When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
FUCK WHALES
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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