Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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