My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You ate ashes out of my bong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize