Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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