I wish my penis had an off switch
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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