he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
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