hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
