I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
