So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
