mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
