Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
