Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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