1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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