Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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