I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
