Me. At least after what I've been through.
I cannot find my penis.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
