too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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