Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
