I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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