i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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