I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
