yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I need a burrito and a hug.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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