They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
