got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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