what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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