I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
