she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
