That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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