hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
