Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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