I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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