I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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