I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize