Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
