I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
