He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
