We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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