we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
