Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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