I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
