My room smells like vodka and shame
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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