She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
