Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
