genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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