dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
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