There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
and she was petting her beer can
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
