I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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