Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize