Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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