my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
