i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
