Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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