Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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