We won't sleep together?
Don't make out with my wife yet
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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