just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
