see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
pray to the hookup gods
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
