if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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