So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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